Critique My Query

Entertaining Naked Folks, a novel

An evaluation of a query letter for a book

By Marla Miller

Published: February 7, 2011

Marla Miller

The query letter

Dear ________:

Entertaining Naked Folks is a literary novel based on my life massaging celebrities as I clawed my way free of a debilitating childhood into a world of wonders and miracles.

Crippled by self-disdain and fear of living, Ryan hungers for God but feels abandoned by Him. Ryan travels coast-to-coast, camps in deserts, walks out into the fury of Hurricane Andrew searching for some connection, even if it turns out to be his last. He lives with philosophers, occultists and psychics, art-school hippies and ghosts. His mother throws a ceramic angel at him three weeks after he’s had her cremated. Folks on her side of the family don’t always stay dead. He lives on a cruise ship and works in world-class spas, massaging a U.S. president, a game-show letter-turner, athletes, celebrities from many fields, and everyday folks, as he searches for God, purpose and healing, one naked truth at a time.

Mr. [Blank], I have been very impressed by [whatever draws me to this particular agent]. I am seeking representation and would be happy to send you chapters or pages.

Excerpts from my novels have been published in two anthologies.

I thank you for your consideration.

Respectfully submitted,

[Name withheld]

The critique

Want Marla to critique your book query?

Send your query letter to marketingthemuse@gmail.com. Be sure to use the subject line "The Writer Query Letter Critique." Queries for nonfiction and fiction (all genres) are welcome, and critiques are free.

Marla Miller, a writer herself, teaches Marketing the Muse Workshops at the Southern California Writers' Conference and the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Her Quick Query Critique video segments are available at www.marlamiller.com.

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Loving these critiques. I agree that the way this novel is presented in his query letter, it does sound more like a memoir. That was my first thought. My second was, if it's being presented as fiction, it might fit better in a paranormal sub-genre.

Thanks, Marla. Your critiques are very helpful in unwrapping the mysteries of the dreaded query letter!

Carol

Submitted: 3/21/2011 6:53:01 PM (CST)

you guys & gals are so dang sweet, THANK YOU---To Robert, I encourage u to make up ur mind--fiction or memoir? I'm inclined to favor memoir----you could change the names of the guilty...:)...but it's your story--just decide because that will impact the telling...
Also, agree with Andrea--good opening!
Keep me posted--this has potential--for sure!
Marla
www.marlamiller.com

Submitted: 3/17/2011 7:04:45 PM (CST)

I'd open the query with, "Ryan's mother throws a ceramic angel at him three weeks after he’s had her cremated. Folks on her side of the family don’t always stay dead."

Submitted: 2/19/2011 11:02:41 PM (CST)

Your responses are interesting and helpful. Like Judith, I go to your column first. I appreciate that you are direct and encouraging, even when you find disagreements with the letters.

Submitted: 2/14/2011 8:24:16 PM (CST)

I was scared when I saw she was reviewing my letter because this is a lady who does not pull her punches and does not always love what she reads. It thrilled me to see her eyes sparkling as she read my piece and to hear that the story and description intrigue her. Obviously she's not always going to get everything right, but that only shows where I can make the letter clearer; such as suggesting it might be of a Christian bent when others may look at it as at time much the opposite. And it would be great to be able to ask follow-up questions, like if the story is true, but not all of the characters, is that then a memoir or a novel? But I am thrilled by her insight and it has given me a lot to look at in my letter.
Thank you.

Submitted: 2/9/2011 3:53:47 PM (CST)

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