Critique My Query

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No Kiss Good-bye

AN EVALUATION OF A QUERY LETTER FOR A BOOK

By Marla Miller
Published: March 21, 2011
Marla Miller
Marla Miller
The query letter

Dear ________:

It’s September 2, 1981. Fourteen-year-old Dana boards the Orient Express train at Bucharest’s North Station, her first trip alone outside of Romania, hoping to reach West Germany, beyond the Iron Curtain. If she succeeds in eluding the communist authorities, she should meet up with her mother and younger sister, who had left two weeks earlier, in Hannover. She waves good-bye to the father she adores for what she thought would be a 30-day trip.
 
A series of unpredictable events that from a human perspective shouldn’t have happened brought her to this moment, and still many more astonishing incidents are to unfold. Never in her wildest imagination did Dana suppose that her mother was about to suddenly change the course of their lives.
 
No Kiss Good-Bye is a nonfiction narrative of my personal experience growing up in Romania under the oppressive and tyrannical regime of communist President Ceauşescu, through mind-boggling circumstances leading to my surreptitiously leaving Romania, and the seemingly insoluble obstacles over several months, stonewalled by one powerful American consul in Vienna, Austria. 
 
While there are many stories of refugees escaping communist governments to live in the free world, some who held high positions within the regime, my unexpected quest half-way around the world at 14 is certain to fascinate any lover of intrigue and adventure.
 
Although this is my first novel, I anticipate it will not be the last. As an attorney, I have written extensively. I find that writing in general is personally fulfilling. I have one previously published article in a local newspaper a few years back.
 
I hope you enjoy reading the excerpt from the completed 85,789-word manuscript that I would gladly forward at your request. You can reach me by phone at [number] or by e-mail at [e-mail address]. I appreciate your time and consideration!
 
Very truly yours,

[Name withheld]

The critique


Want Marla to critique your book query?

Send your query letter to marketingthemuse@gmail.com. Be sure to use the subject line "The Writer Query Letter Critique." Queries for nonfiction and fiction (all genres) are welcome, and critiques are free.

Marla Miller, a writer herself, teaches Marketing the Muse Workshops at the Southern California Writers' Conference and the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Her Quick Query Critique video segments are available at marlamiller.com.
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T DONNA ROBISON from FLORIDA said:
I am certain she knows what she wrote and this was a slipup.
5 stars
MINDI ANDERSON from ILLINOIS said:
Marla,

It's hard to believe that you critique these queries for free! Any author seeking guidance in query writing should take advantage of this gracious opportunity. I am being taught SO much from these videos on YouTube and your personal site, as well. Thanks again!
3 stars
DOROTHY ARSENAULT from MASSACHUSETTS said:
Excellent critique. I, too, became confused about what type of manuscript the author had written. The author seems to have enough factual information for the story to be either non-fiction or fiction, but needs to be clear about which it is.
MARLA MILLER from CALIFORNIA said:
Angela
thank you! how kind! If you more, go to my site!
I've got about 50 video-ed critiques labeled by genre.
www.marlamiller.com
5 stars
ANGELA SAGO from MICHIGAN said:
Straight forward and easy to understand. This is a subject I can't get enough of right now. - Thanks!
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