Critique My Query

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Taurseus: The Last of the Nephilim, a fantasy novel

An evaluation of a query letter for a book

By Marla Miller
Published: February 6, 2012
Marla Miller
Marla Miller
The query letter

Dear ________:

This letter is directed to you requesting your interest in my book proposal. I chose you because you said on Publishers Marketplace:

My ultimate project wish list would include a romantic historical fantasy, a literary, Beat-like coming-of-age, a thrilling survival tale with well-researched, back-to-the-land details, and a dark, witchy novel with an original mythology.

All of that describes my exhaustively researched and passionately written book, Taurseus: The Last of the Nephilim. It is a romantic, historical fantasy about a Nephilim coming of age and power. It is a tale of his thrilling survival, and his desire to preserve the Earth from another global destruction. There is much power/magic/witchcraft—whatever you want to call the unexplainable. Taurseus explains it this way:

My strength does not derive from within myself. My mind instinctively knows how to absorb it from every atom around me. I can feel it draw in me like wind and expel out like fire.

Taurseus unites forces with his mythological companions, Charla, his pegasus, and Anak the dragon tamer in search of the Nephilim Journals—with hope this knowledge will be secure in the right hands.

Brimming with vivid historical detail, Taurseus, the son of a Seraph, or fallen angel, searches for the peace of mankind and the Earth's redemption. Realizing there are evil adversaries that could destroy the living, Taurseus vows to uncover the sacred wisdom that can save the world.

If you sell this book to the agency, you can have your ultimate project. I have attached the first five pages for your review. Your time is greatly appreciated, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely yours,

[Name withheld]

The critique


Want Marla to critique your book query?

Send your query letter to marketingthemuse@gmail.com. Be sure to use the subject line "The Writer Query Letter Critique." Queries for nonfiction and fiction (all genres) are welcome, and critiques are free.

Marla Miller, a writer herself, teaches Marketing the Muse Workshops at the Southern California Writers' Conference and the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Her Quick Query Critique video segments are available at marlamiller.com.

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5 stars
MICHELLE NEVILLE from AUSTRALIA (QLD) said:
This is the first time I've tuned in to Marla's segment and I'm coming back. I'm just getting to grips with the idea of queries, proposals, etc and this article was brilliant. I don't feel like such a dunce now due to Marla's comments about us all being at different levels but taking a professional approach. Thanks Marla
MARLA MILLER from CALIFORNIA said:
thanks Val, so glad these help!
Marla
5 stars
VAL BISHOP said:
Thank you Marla Miller: This critique is very beneficial toward my future efforts. Looking forward to more critiques.

Best Wishes, VB
MARLA MILLER from CALIFORNIA said:
You guys........:)))))
I love it when my critiques help! Thanks for taking the time to let me know.
And remember.......writing is rewriting.
Marla
www.MarlaMiller.com
5 stars
JAMES NEEDHAM from TEXAS said:
I think Maria nailed the critique of this query/proposal.
We as writers in our different stages of our writing careers have to study the craft of the business side of writing as stridently as we study the craft of writing.
As I began my first novel I understood at that point, not only did I not know how to put my novel together, but also I realized I needed to study the workings of agents and publishing houses.
If I couldn't write a query to fit an agents guide lines I may never sell anything.
Thank you Dana for sending in your query (which shows much promise since you got a response rather than a form letter) and thank you Maria for your insightful critique.

Sincerely,

James Randall

PS

This is my first stop at this sight and I've already had many great articles to learn from.
This is a great spot Maria, and I look forward to more critiques.
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