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Before and after: Letting the characters speak
Published: January 30, 2009 California novelist and writing instructor Sam McCarver described how to "Breathe life into your characters" in a Step by Step article in the March 2009 issue of The Writer. Following are his Before and After sidebar and list of Resources.
Problem
My mystery novel The Case of Compartment 7, set on the Orient Express in April 1914, included real people as well as fictional characters. Just before the outbreak of World War I, the cast of those aboard included military and diplomatic types and spies. I created scenes in which real people would develop personal relationships with my fictional characters.
In one such scene, I wanted to show depth with a tinge of suspicion in the relationship between a fictional German general and a real person, the infamous spy Mata Hari. Their train compartments adjoined, with an unlocked common door. A first writing did not reflect the thoughts of either:
General Klaus Eberhardt said, "In the war, the Germans will beat the English."
Mata Hari smiled. "You see war, then, with the British?"
"I cannot wait. I itch for the battle."
"And that itching—it brings you on this trip? Some conspiracies, some trading of loyalties with other countries?"
Solution
It could have gone on that way, but by that time I had decided to create more impact by selecting the general's point of view and going into his head and thoughts to show his confusion and vulnerability. First, I wrote a few sentences that entered his thoughts to show the general's state of mind, and then went into his thoughts several times in the scene, to reveal his feelings.
Doing this, I found the scene became more intense as the characters suddenly seemed to speak for themselves. Here is the published version:
The dining car was empty except for the single waiter standing against the back wall, out of earshot, but alert for any motion for service from the General. It was that awkward time of afternoon, after lunch, but before the dinner hour. The British often filled it, the General reflected, with teas and cakes, and he expected some of them to arrive soon. He preferred a good German beer, or, when with a woman, the finest champagne.
"When war comes," he said, smiling, "the beer drinkers will beat the tea drinkers."
"You see war, then, with the British?" Mata Hari returned his smile.
"I cannot wait. I itch for the battle."
"And that itching—it brings you on this trip? Some conspiracies, some trading of loyalties with other countries?"
He could see that using the apparent commitment and convenience of their lustful liaisons at night, which continued a relationship established in Paris, she was always probing for information. She was the type of spy no one could trust. Was she working for the Germans now, or the French? Who could know? Regardless of his feelings for her—perhaps because of them, and his vulnerability—he knew he must be on his guard as to what he said and did.
"I do what you do, my dear, I carry out the wishes of my government. A good German soldier never asks why of his superiors, only how soon he must produce what they require of him."
Her dark eyes gazed into his, giving him that familiar feeling of uneasiness, almost as if she were peering at him through the sights of a rifle. "And what is required of you this time, Klaus? Treaties, armaments, oil? Would you hold that back from me?" She put her hand on his. "After all, we do know each other, shall I say ... quite well."
"Love and war do not mix."
"Love! Ah, what a magnificent word, my General. So you love me, do you?" Her eyes were teasing.
Klaus Eberhardt grimaced. "All I know is I have a fever for you. Is that a symptom of love?"
"You, a man of the world, a General of the German Army, ask me that, a mere Folies Bergere dancer?" Her voice had a tantalizing lilt.
"Now you are really dangerous," he said. "Come, finish your champagne. We go to my compartment. To talk more of this."
"Yes, of course." She laughed softly. "To talk."
-S.M.
Resources
The following books will help you develop the characters in your novel:
• Character Naming Sourcebook by Sherrilyn Kenyon, with Hal Blythe and Charlie Sweet: hundreds of male and female names, listed by country of origin.
• Characters & Viewpoint by Orson Scott Card: types and sources of characters and how to construct and animate them.
• Novel Writing For Wanna-be's by Sam McCarver: all novel elements, with strong emphasis on characterization, scenes and dialogue.
• Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King: stresses character development, including point of view and dialogue.
--Posted Jan. 30, 2009
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