Critique My Query

E-mail Article to a FriendPrint ArticleBookmark and Share

A Simple Twist of Fate, a novel

An evaluation of an agent query letter

By Marla Miller
Published: November 22, 2010
Marla Miller
Marla Miller
The query letter

Dear ________:

“Fate intervened. Of course, with my family's history, what else could I expect? Fate has always ruled my life.” Thus begins A Simple Twist of Fate, the 108,000-word, coming-of-age literary novel of fate versus free will, of the simple virtues of rural America set against the majesty of her greatest cities, of family redemption and undying friendship.

The problems of Nick Mason are not unlike those of most college seniors in the class of 1986: choosing a career, finding a girl, surviving a night in jail. But a shadow hangs over his life. Five centuries before his birth, the man after whom he would be named, the first Nicholas Mason, was sentenced to death. His crime? Standing in the way of his son's ambitions. As the executioner’s ax was poised to fall, the elder Mason damned his descendants to a common fate: Each man would live to see the day that the son would betray the father, as Nicholas’ son had betrayed him. For 500 years, this curse has held true. And thus it certainly would have with Nick. But then something unexpected happened; when he was only a boy, Nick's father was killed in a jungle in Vietnam. How can a son betray a father who's already dead?

Bound by fate but taxed with this seeming paradox, Nick has sought to break the curse in the only way he knows how—by living his life as he believes his father would have wished. But when his mother convinces him to drive a priceless work of art—a nasally, well-endowed garden gnome by the unmatched artist Thomas Kacker—from Boston to Birmingham, Nick finds his convictions about the future shaken. In a journey that takes him from the hallowed halls of Harvard to a Southern tent revival, from New York City to a football game in the heart of Dixie, Nick meets a woman who challenges his notions of fate and destiny and offers him a life free of the shackles of the past. But is she his salvation? Or the very temptation that threatens to condemn him to the same doom as each of his forefathers?

While having never been the subject of a centuries-old curse, I have embarked upon the same journey as Nick, only in reverse. A native Southerner, I received a philosophy and history degree from the University of Alabama before traveling to the Northeast, where I attended Harvard Law School. I thank you for your time and consideration of my novel, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

Sincerely,

[Name withheld]

The critique


Want Marla to critique your agent query letter?

Send your letter to marketingthemuse@gmail.com. Be sure to use the subject line "The Writer Query Letter Critique." Queries for nonfiction and fiction (all genres) are welcome, and critiques are free.

Marla Miller, a writer herself, teaches Marketing the Muse Workshops at the Southern California Writers' Conference and the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Her Quick Query Critique video segments are available at www.marlamiller.com.
User Comments
Only registered members of WriterMag.com are allowed to comment on this article. Registration is FREE and only takes a couple minutes.

Register Today!
 
5 stars
ADELINE BEE from MASSACHUSETTS said:
I teach a high school writing class and this site is wonderful. The expertise and insight are simply stated and will help my students understand how important a properly written query letter is. Thank you.
BRETT TALLEY from ALABAMA said:
Hi Marla. Just wanted you to know that I changed my query, tried to focus more on the characters, and then sent it back out into the wilderness. Received my first response today; they want a partial. Thank you so much for your help and advice. You are the best.
5 stars
DEANNA R ADAMS from OHIO said:
Queries are always hard, almost harder than writing the complete book! So I absolutely love Critique My Query. It brings up so many diverse issues on this topic! So just wanted to say, "Thank you, Marla!" I'm addicted to this site! I find myself going into it often to see what's next! Can you do one a week? :-)
5 stars
JANET JEYS from UTAH said:
This critique was helpful to my future work. If the author is to hook the agent on the character, how does one do that? How important are plot points in a query letter? How much do you tell without giving away the mystery? Is there somewhere I can read about how to do a good query that will get me noticed? Thanks for your help in what "not" to do- perhaps a query critique that rocks would be helpful as well.
4 stars
DIANA FERRARI from CONNECTICUT said:
While the info was interesting, I felt it was too long and entailed too many facets of the book. Mind you, I'm not an expert but, I was losing interest because of too much to take in. Simplifying it would give it more impact and would entice the reader. Keep on writing. You are creative.
12
Free Newsletter
Get our free newsletter