Critique My Query

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Missing No More, a mystery

An evaluation of an agent query letter

By Marla Miller
Published: November 1, 2010
Marla Miller
Marla Miller
The query letter

Dear ________:

I know you are a well-respected agent who represents the kind of manuscript I’ve written. Missing No More is a 78,000-word, hard-edged mystery/detective novel that takes place on the streets of Chicago and its surrounding suburbs. Detective Jamo O’Reilly is a seasoned officer who spends as much time in a bar as he does the homicide division. When he investigates a fellow officer suspected of murdering his missing wife, Jamo’s years of experience, his friendships on the force, and his personal life are all tested to the limit.
 
The investigation begins to take a few quirky turns, as officers from a suburban police department appear to be involved. Jamo has to rely on the missing woman’s younger sister to find the motive for the crime. Along the way his partner, Detective Pete “Pud” Duignan, is gunned down causing Jamo to redouble his efforts in solving the murder, just as his interest turns from the investigation toward the ex-wife of his chief suspect.
 
Soon the investigation takes a startling turn and Jamo’s personal life is in shambles, but he continues the search for the killer and the chance at happiness that has always eluded him. In the end, justice doesn’t always end in a court conviction.
 
The idea for Missing No More comes from the real-life drama unfolding in a Chicago-area courtroom. Bolingbrook Sgt. Drew Peterson is accused of murdering his third wife, with his fourth wife still missing and presumed dead. Police officers like everything to be black and white, and most crimes, especially those of passion, are relatively easy to solve. But what if facts aren’t what they appear to be? This is the approach I took with Missing No More.
 
I am an ex-Chicago cop who left after achieving the rank of detective. Because of my experience, Missing No More has the undeniable ring of authenticity of how cops think and act within the brotherhood, providing a clear and unflinching glimpse inside the world of one Chicago police detective.
 
Currently, I am instructing both graduate and undergraduate level courses at a university in Chicago. I am currently the treasurer of the midwest chapter of the Mystery Writers of America. Thank you for your time and attention, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

[Name withheld]

The critique


Want Marla to critique your agent query letter?

Send your letter to marketingthemuse@gmail.com. Be sure to use the subject line "The Writer Query Letter Critique." Queries for nonfiction and fiction (all genres) are welcome, and critiques are free.

Marla Miller, a writer herself, teaches Marketing the Muse Workshops at the Southern California Writers' Conference and the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Her Quick Query Critique video segments are available at www.marlamiller.com.
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CAROL BRO from MISSOURI said:
Kudos to Harlan Coben for his Myron Bolitar character who drinks nothing but YooHoo chocolate soda!
5 stars
DIANA FERRARI from CONNECTICUT said:
Dear Marla:

You are so adept at making life interesting. I love the way your critiques give me things to think about.

Last week I e-mailed you my query letter for your expert advice. I have no friends who are writers so any help you can give me will be soooooo appreciated. Do you think you will be able to do it?

Best regards,

Diana
4 stars
JERALD MATTERS from VIRGINIA said:
Maria:
I just got onboard and got to enjoy two videos of you in action. Loved it. You're quite kind to the writers, I think, so I definitely need to email you. How long has this been going on? I suspect us novices are going to be pouncing on this!
MARLA MILLER from CALIFORNIA said:
A high five to Jean & Oscar, thanks for taking time to comment---yep, just hearing it read helps-everything after that is sometimes painful to hear but always delivered with the spirit of helping writers hook that agent...so thank you...
Tom, I know I replied but re: '150 queries with no success' consider this a gift perhaps? Often this means your story needs more attention...
writing is rewriting....yea, i know, hard to do sometimes but the best among us do it all the time-like breathing for a writer-----rewriting is....ok, so a bit over the top..perhaps...:)
thanks all!
Marla
5 stars
OSCAR LAPLANTE from RHODE ISLAND said:
I liked the article very informative and a good way to learn about querys
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