Critique My Query

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Sheila's Folly, a novel

An evaluation of an agent query letter

By Marla Miller
Published: January 10, 2011
Marla Miller
Marla Miller
The query letter

Dear ________:

I am seeking publication of Sheila's Folly, a mainstream novel of 85,791 words.

Mike Brady's battling with the town of Oakdale and Pat Quinn to close the infamous strip club called The Castlegate Club and drive Quinn and his gang of hoodlums out of town or, better still, into prison cells.

It's not bad enough Mike hates Quinn for stealing his girlfriend in high school, the girl he planned to share his life with, but now several years later, Quinn buys a club in the town Mike lives in and converts it into an illegal strip club where his goons that work for him there as security men beat a young college student to death. Mike's son is one of the three students involved in the altercation, or assault would be a better description of what happened.
     
Mike's willing to become a selectman against his wife's wishes in this struggle he's waging, and she's threatening him with a divorce if he doesn't stop his crusade and move to Albany, where she's from and where her parents still live. But Mike can't back down, never could.

I would be happy to forward the manuscript, and thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

[Name withheld]

The critique


Want Marla to critique your agent query letter?

Send your letter to marketingthemuse@gmail.com. Be sure to use the subject line "The Writer Query Letter Critique." Queries for nonfiction and fiction (all genres) are welcome, and critiques are free.

Marla Miller, a writer herself, teaches Marketing the Muse Workshops at the Southern California Writers' Conference and the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Her Quick Query Critique video segments are available at www.marlamiller.com.
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4 stars
MIHKU PAUL from MAINE said:
I am impressed with how quickly you dissect the query, and present specific
suggestions on how to improve it. I would imagine that if syntax is weak or
unclear, an agent might feel that the same follows for the manuscript.
I also noted that the challenges in the life of this protagonist were not prioritized, which is confusing. I am not sure which of these critical obstacles I should be focused on. One way to define these areas more clearly would be to have a couple of readers and get feedback on the manuscript. See it there comments and what they cared about in terms of characters and events, are in line with the author's intentions.
5 stars
MINDI ANDERSON from ILLINOIS said:
Being a newly-committed writer, I am always fascinated by your query critiques. Hearing you explain your reasoning is beneficial. Thanks!
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