Critique My Query

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Under My Roof, a memoir

AN EVALUATION OF A QUERY LETTER FOR A BOOK

By Marla Miller
Published: April 18, 2011
Marla Miller
Marla Miller
The query letter

Dear ________:

Do you know the family that lives in the two-story white house on the corner with the picket fence and the dog? You can’t tell from the outside that anything is wrong. Under My Roof: A Mother’s Story of a Heinous Crime is a 53,000-word memoir that takes place in the Midwest in the 1970s, before Megan’s Law. This is a tragedy and a triumphant journey of a mother who is an RN, who comes home early from the night shift at the hospital and finds her naked husband in bed with their 9-year-old daughter. Not only how could this happen, but how did a mother let it happen?
 
The National Center for Victims of Crime cites the most common form of child abuse is incest. It is also the most underreported and least-discussed crime, concealed by the victims because of guilt, shame and fear. Every day the newscast reminds us of discovered cases of sexual molestation. The numbers are not shrinking. They are escalating. This week it's the Judds.
 
[Blank,] a registered nurse draws on her experience as a mother of a survivor. [Blank] published in the [Blank] Journal of Nursing, was a contributor in a textbook, [Blank] Aspects of Nursing, self-published two children’s books, and has won the [Blank] writing award twice. She has spoken in schools to grades 4, 5 and 6 about writing and volunteers at the Survivors [Blank] Center.
 
The foreword is written by a Catholic priest, endorsed by [Blank], co-author of The [Blank] to Heal and a Ph.D. in psychology, [Blank]. This story may change the way victims, law enforcement, teachers, teenagers, clergy and counselors view the mother—who is also a victim. There is no list of character traits or checklists for the perpetrator. Their lure is seduction by affection after gaining trust. [Blank] offers a list of overlooked grooming behaviors used on her before they had children.
 
The completed manuscript is available upon request.
 
Sincerely, 

[Name withheld]

The critique


Want Marla to critique your book query?

Send your query letter to marketingthemuse@gmail.com. Be sure to use the subject line "The Writer Query Letter Critique." Queries for nonfiction and fiction (all genres) are welcome, and critiques are free.

Marla Miller, a writer herself, teaches Marketing the Muse Workshops at the Southern California Writers' Conference and the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Her Quick Query Critique video segments are available at marlamiller.com.
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MARLA MILLER from CALIFORNIA said:
I'm so glad u all dig this! really, it just brings a smile to my face.
thanks you all VERY much for taking time to tell us
"you like us..you really do!!!" :)))))
m
5 stars
JOANN MOLLOY from ALASKA said:
Marla,
What a treat to have a memoir critiqued! I have been watching your videos for a couple months now, and your suggestions and information are always helpful. Since I am in the process of writing a query letter for my memoir, this one is particularly appreciated. So glad you are receiving more nonfiction now. Sincerely, JoAnn
5 stars
BETH LAMIE from ILLINOIS said:
Thanks for the great suggestions in your critique. They seem practical and useful. Looking forward to hearing more!
AMBER L STARFIRE from CALIFORNIA said:
Marla, Thank you for another informative critique. It's one that can help many memoir writers, whatever the focus of their books. I learn something from each and every one of your critiques.
5 stars
SHIRLEY MARSTEN from NEW YORK said:
I stumbled on your video and want to thank you for this insightful critique. I plan to visit often to hear your comments so that, when my memoir is finished, I can craft a great query letter.
Thanks so much.
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