Critique My Query

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The Ugandan Affair

AN EVALUATION OF A QUERY LETTER FOR A BOOK

By Marla Miller
Published: May 16, 2011
Marla Miller
Marla Miller
The query letter

Dear ________:

Ref: Query letter for The Ugandan Affair

“An adult Ugandan ex-child soldier is manipulated into facing the target of his juvenile combat heroics while working as a diplomat in London.”

In the aftermath of an attack on Idi Amin at a school, 13-year-old Fene is rescued by Nyanzi, a rebel commander, from the wrath of Baridi, the presidential bodyguard. Nyanzi molds Fene into a child soldier who gains hero status on the eve of the war’s end when he almost captures a fleeing Amin. As an adult, Fene yearns to escape the attention of his hero status and lobbies Nyanzi, who is now a diplomat in London, for a posting away from the limelight. Nyanzi agrees because he secretly wants Fene to play a part in assassinating Baridi, who has reinvented himself as a security consultant in London. When Baridi finds out that Fene is in London, he plots to kill him. Baridi’s fourth failed attempt attracts the interest of the Scotland Yard, which institutes surveillance on Fene. After an epic confrontation with Fene, Baridi is declared dead. The Yard then secretly pressurizes the Uganda Mission to post Fene elsewhere in order to suffocate the media interest in the matter that could expose their illegal investigative methods and strain UK/Uganda relations. Fene is then posted to the Uganda Mission in Canada, where he is unknowingly closer than ever to a supposedly deceased Baridi.

I am a first-time author whose idea came from my youth in Uganda coupled with questions asked of me by foreign colleagues while I was studying and working in Canada, the UK and the USA. Unlike other works featuring Idi Amin, this one addresses the impact of his regime after his ouster. As for comparisons with The Last King of Scotland, which was about a foreign adult who should have known better, this one is about a Ugandan child who had no choice. I can provide you with the completed script for your perusal if need be.

Sincerely,

[Name withheld]

The critique


Want Marla to critique your book query?

Send your query letter to marketingthemuse@gmail.com. Be sure to use the subject line "The Writer Query Letter Critique." Queries for nonfiction and fiction (all genres) are welcome, and critiques are free.

Marla Miller, a writer herself, teaches Marketing the Muse Workshops at the Southern California Writers' Conference and the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Her Quick Query Critique video segments are available at marlamiller.com.
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MARLA MILLER from CALIFORNIA said:
Dr john,
This is question for my website-really can't address it here--if you want to subscribe to www.marlamiller.com, if there's opportunity for others to learn from your question,Ii may address it. Otherwise, I do consulting.best
Marla
4 stars
DR JOHN L STUMP from ALABAMA said:
Dear Marla:
My question is an unusual one more than likely. I have written five textbook and a nonfiction account of a tragic stroke incident of one of my patients. What I would like to do now at age 60 is write creative fiction. I guess that's what you call it. Stories based upon truth but they happened so long ago that I can't remember the specific details.
I have written my first "creative fiction" account called "The Vulcan Adventure" of a doctor that joins another couple on a trip to the jungles of Central America to buy some of a tropical paradise. Now where do I go?
MARLA MILLER from CALIFORNIA said:
Sira, so glad it was helpful-!!
Nadine, ur a doll of taking time to post this 'thank you' -means a lot.
marla
SIRA KIWANA-LUGOLOBI from UGANDA said:
Dear Marla,
Thanks for the critique. It was like a good medicine: Good for me but bad to me! And you were right about it being a script. That first paragraph is actually a logline for the screenplay that I adapted from the novel. I must tell you some things though:
1) I am a male with a double name because when I was in Canada, I had to add the family name to my own name, as opposed to my culture where all children, male and female, are given their own names (guess we are supposed to found our own dynasties!)
2) The names of the characters are authentic and African. Actually, Fene, pronounced FENAY, is actually short for Fenekansi. Baridi means 'cold' in Swahili and that's what he is as the main antagonist.

Otherwise, thanks for the advice. The novel should be out later this year. watch out for it!

Regards

Sira
SIRA KIWANA-LUGOLOBI from UGANDA said:
Hello!
Dear Marla

Thanks for critique. Painful as it is in places, I must confess that it is like a good medicine: Good for you but not good to you! I will work on it a bit more. I must add that you were rifgt about it beeing a script, as in a movie script. The first paragraph is the logline that i'm using after adapting the novel into a screenplay! Very perceptive of you!
Regards
Sira
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