Critique My Query

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I'm Not Her, a novel

An evaluation of a query letter for a book

By Marla Miller
Published: May 21, 2012
Marla Miller
Marla Miller
The query letter

Dear ________:

Most of us dream of being thinner, richer, prettier. For Leann Cane, that wish came true, but it became Carin Fletcher’s worst nightmare. I’m Not Her is the story of what happens when a freak accident causes sexy, successful Carin to swap bodies with Leann, a struggling, obese check-out girl.
                                                                       
Unrecognizable to family and friends, both women are forced in to lives opposite all they’ve ever known. Leann, at first thrilled to look and live like her favorite soap opera stars, discovers that the insecurities and desperation you’ve grown up with don’t disappear if you look like a model. Fighting off the affections of a boyfriend she never chose and a controlling, plastic mother is hard enough, but she must fight off her own demons and figure out how to survive when your dreams come true. Money and beauty can gather a lot of things, but not what matters most—family, happiness and self-worth.
 
On the other side of town, Carin is suddenly fat, meagerly employed, saddled with a kid, and married to a loser. She spends her days avoiding the threats of Leann’s abusive husband, working two jobs to save money for her escape, and wrestling with her role as a mom to a precocious 6-year-old. She is surprised to learn that life can be rich even when you’re destitute. She is even more surprised when she falls for a stock boy who drives a hearse and aspires to work at the Home Depot.
 
Leann and Carin agree on very little except that Leann’s husband, Leroy is a danger to his wife in any form and to his son who seems to be the only one who knows Mama isn’t all she appears to be. Using her newfound confidence and computer skills, Leann rats out Leroy to his former partners in crime and his demise reunites the women. Thrown back in to their former lives, both women find it doesn’t fit them the way it used to.
 
I’m Not Her is a complete work of women’s fiction at 100,000 words. A compelling book club selection, it examines issues critical to women—Why do we judge each other by appearances and circumstances? What does it mean to be a mother? And at our core, who are we really?
 
Chapter 1 of I’m Not Her won honorable mention in the [Blank] 2011 International Writing contest in the category of unpublished novel chapter. I work as a community columnist for the [Blank] and as an e-columnist and freelance journalist for a regional parenting magazine. I also write a popular blog [Blank]. I’m currently at work on two nonfiction projects, another work of fiction, and lead workshops on organic living. I appreciate your time and welcome the chance to partner with you on this book.

Sincerely,

[Name withheld]

The critique


Want Marla to critique your book query?

Send your query letter in the body of an email to marketingthemuse@gmail.com (no attachments, please). Be sure to use the subject line "The Writer Query Letter Critique." Queries for nonfiction and fiction (all genres) are welcome, and critiques are free.

Marla Miller, a writer herself, teaches Marketing the Muse Workshops at the Southern California Writers' Conference and the Santa Barbara Writers Conference. Her Quick Query Critique video segments are available at marlamiller.com.

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MARTHA LUNDIN from WISCONSIN said:
C Stephen Possessky: Marla's critique is contained in the video we've included in this article.

Martha Lundin
Editorial associate for The Writer
MARLA MILLER from CALIFORNIA said:
Sorry if it's irritating to look at my with glasses on--I have an eye condition that keeps me from wearing contacts-that said, this letter lacks focus. I look for 'speed bumps'-portions of the letter that keep me from understanding what the story is about. In my humble opinion, there were several here but it is just my opinion. Remember, this is not a content critique-those are quite costly.
Sam & Pete, thanks much.
Nelle, sorry this didn't work for you. I will share with you what one of mentors used to always say about critiques: Take what you like and leave the rest.
My best to all & thanks for taking time to comment.
Marla
SAM CAMPBELL from VIRGINIA said:
I agree with you, Marla. I find it hard to narrow the query to just focus on the main plot, while still trying to make it grab an agent without going into minute details!
5 stars
PETE PETERSON from CALIFORNIA said:
Ah, yes! Again Marla has assayed the gold and found the mica - - my first reading of the query was positive; subsequent readings left me reaching for my editing hat, but found too many 'themes; to focus on. Then I listened to Marla and nodded in agreement as she identified the flaws. Thank you Marla for drilling to the core so quickly. I learn much from you. (Don't worry about your glasses reflecting light, as long as your insights do!)
NELLE CODRUM from AUSTRALIA (NSW) said:
1. PLEASE face away from the light so your glasses don't reflect!
2. Just HOW does the copy need a major overhaul??Don't only say its needs fixing-I want to know WHAT is wrong with the copy!
3.Stop wagging your head around and looking at the copy-you're talking to ME! Yoo-hoo ,I'm over here ....
4. I want your opinion so don't apologise and say its only your humble opinioin,we know that but its valuable to me or I woldn't bother listening to this.
5.Thanks for sharing your opinion. I know a bit more about what you're not looking for!
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