WARNING: The following quiz is a powerful scientific tool that’s to be used only with extreme care. Our research team has performed extensive longitudinal studies on the following questions and answers such that the results are guaranteed to be 100 percent accurate.*
*Except if they’re not.
So with that in mind, read on and see if you’ve got what it takes to be a writer today:
Question 1: Are you hooked on any of the following?
b. #2 pencils.
c. T-shirts that say things like “Lit Happens!”
*Give yourself 122 points for each answer.
*Add 1 point if you worried that one of the answers was “fawning praise.”
Question 2: Which of the following have you done in response to a misused Oxford comma?
a. Argued for more than 75 seconds.
b. Gone to the internet to locate evidence or proof.
c. Got into a wrestling match.
d. Ended a friendship.
e. Quit a job.
*Give yourself 27 points for each answer.
Question 3: Viable ways to plot your next novel include:
a. Wait for inspiration.
b. Borrow a plot from Shakespeare, classical mythology, or the Bible.
c. Freewrite until your fingertips bleed.
d. Create a mindmap.
e. Buy a pack (or two) of index cards and plot it out scene by scene.
*Give yourself 82 points for each B, C, D, or E answer.
*Give yourself -144 points for answering A.